Gambling Addiction

Consider the following situation: I just discovered that my husband has broken his promise to stop gambling at our local Casino. I opened our credit card statement and there were several thousands of dollars taken out as cash. At first he denied that he did it and then he admitted he lost the money gambling and that he will never do it again. I have lost all trust and faith in him. Any suggestions?

First of all, don’t lose faith in him. It is the gambling behavior that is the problem. Your husband needs help. The above situation indicates that gambling has been a problem for a while. He is secretly spending money and has agreed to abstain completely. His relapse tells me that he has lost control of his behavior. Gambling has become an addiction. As with most addictions, “slips” can occur. What you and your husband do in response to this “slip” will be significant. Typically, a “slip” requires that you increase support and treatment. If he has sought help before, what has he done, how much and for how long? Obviously, he needs more. Is your husband willing?

Most likely your husband feels ashamed and embarrassed by his behavior. Because his relationships are important, he lies to protect his image and fragile self- esteem, all the while knowing that this day of reckoning was coming. Very tough on all of you! What we need now are not just promises but clear actions to build support for abstinence. Locally, Gambling Anonymous (GA) can be of great support. Call them at 1-800-322-8748. Some will seek therapeutic support as well. Actions like having your husband call your local Casino informing them of his gambling addiction is a great way to start. According to Casino Representatives gambling addicts can “self ban”. Casinos are for gaming and the Casino has no vested interest in aiding the destruction of people’s lives. They will cooperate in not allowing entry of those who have lost control of their gambling behavior.

Having your husband write down an action plan that you approve will go a long way to reestablishing trust in your marriage. If he is not willing to be accountable for his actions, we have to question his degree of motivation to change and therapy becomes a necessity.

You have a right to protect yourself and your family. You even have the right to take his name off the credit card for now. From now on, monitor his actions and the credit card statements. Seek support from Co-Dependency Anonymous (CODA). Make an action plan for yourself. Make a decision to change and stick to it. If you are unclear about what you want and need, seek therapeutic support yourself.

Remember, his attitude and actions to participate in the healing process for you and your family will speak much louder than words.