Characteristics of Codependency

Following is a commonly used list of characteristics of codependency:

1. My good feelings about who I am stem from being liked by you

2. My good feelings about who I am stem from receiving approval from you

3. Your struggle affects my serenity. My mental attention focuses on solving your problems/relieving your pain

4. My mental attention is focused on you

5. My mental attention is focused on protecting you

6. My mental attention is focused on manipulating you to do it my way

7. My self-esteem is bolstered by solving your problems

8. My self-esteem is bolstered by relieving your pain

9. My own hobbies/interests are put to one side. My time is spent sharing your hobbies/interests

10. Your clothing and personal appearance are dictated by my desires and I feel you are a reflection of me

11. Your behavior is dictated by my desires and I feel you are a reflection of me

12. I am not aware of how I feel. I am aware of how you feel.

13. I am not aware of what I want – I ask what you want. I am not aware – I assume

14. The dreams I have for my future are linked to you

15. My fear of rejection determines what I say or do

16. My fear of your anger determines what I say or do

17. I use giving as a way of feeling safe in our relationship

18. My social circle diminishes as I involve myself with you

19. I put my values aside in order to connect with you

20. I value your opinion and way of doing things more than my own

21. The quality of my life is in relation to the quality of yours